17 Jun HE WILL LOVE ME WHOLE
This morning the tears ran easy. Nate and I got into an argument because he had his arms around me and as he touched my stomach, without even realizing I said eewww… This triggered him. He walked away and I asked him what was wrong. He said he’s tired of showing me love and affection that I don’t accept. Ouch.
It’s time to heal another layer. I have grown A LOT in this area….loving my body, loving myself that is. But hearing this really was a punch to the gut for me and a realization of the amount of healing to still be had. I don’t want my husband to not get to show me love, because every time he tells me I’m beautiful instead of saying thank you I tell him why I’m not…(shirt doesn’t fit right, hair looks like crap today, my dark circles under my eyes…) Ughhhh…
After crying it out for a few minutes I realized I’m ready to heal this dark place that I’ve been so good at hiding for way too long. I’m READY to discover what pure self-love means and what it FEELS like. There are many reasons why I struggle in this area. In our culture alone as women, we grow up believing our body has to be perfect to be loved. I remember feeling panicked if I ever got past a size 4…life was over! Shame, Shame, Shame. (What!?!!)
I learned a very powerful language. It was a language of self-destruction. My inner critic grew stronger and stronger through the years. The harder I was on myself the more I would attract to prove I was right. (Example so many people asking if I was pregnant when I was not).
The pathway to healing my belly whole will require me to upgrade my beliefs about myself, my body, my life. But we can’t do it alone. This is why we need our 5. We need at least 5 people in our life that whatever area we need healing they will hold us accountable for doing the work to get there. They will not let us fall back into self-destruction mode. They will believe in us and be our cheerleaders. They will love us whole.
It’s not always easy to hear my sister tell me it’s time to slow down and take a {retreat} from the load I have piled on. It’s not easy to accept the undying love and admiration from my husband. It’s a very vulnerable place to live in. Terrifying really. But it’s the only way to heal. It’s the only way experience what we are meant to experience on this earth. Our worth.
If you don’t have people in your life like this then search them out. Hire a coach to be that person for you if you have to. But do it.
Too much time wasted. It’s time to take action and do the work to get there. And no that doesn’t mean an exercise program to get a six-pack. It means a decent to the deepest parts of myself to uncover my soul’s endless beauty and realize there is nothing I have to {do} to be whole or loved. I already am.
This truth will be {my} truth. It’s coming soon, I can feel it! ??
To loving ourselves whole together,
Xo
Bri